Posted in Family, Grief, Motherhood, Thanks

I am his very first call…

“Mom, I got bad news totally out of the blue.”

The text flashes across my screen.

“You free?”

My heart starts to pound.  My hands get sweaty.

“Yes.” I respond, gathering my nervous self as together as possible.

It feels like hours until the phone rings.

“Is he hurt?”
“Did his girlfriend break up with him?”
“What about his job?”
“Has he been arrested?”

All those crazy, but somehow normal mom thoughts fly at me from all directions, the “I-WANT-HIM-TO-BE-OKAY” mom thoughts.

My phone finally buzzes.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” I ask, hoping I sound calm and not like I’m ready to hear the worst news ever.

He talks to me about what’s happening.

I try to just listen.

He tells me how he really feels.

Now, I lean in quieter and harder, because this is a newer thing he’s comfortable sharing.

As we get to the end of the call, he thanks me for my support and says, “I love you, Mom.” 

“I love you, too, honey.” I answer.  “It’s all going to be okay.  You will be okay.”

I press the red hang-up button.

Tears well and come tumbling out.

But not for the reasons I thought they would.

They are not there because of the sad and hard that my son is experiencing, even though I feel all those same feels.

They spill out because of the gratitude that seeps into my soul, knowing that I am his very first call.

His very first call.

The way I want it to be.

His very first call.

My mama heart rests peacefully.

Author:

I am a wife, mom, daughter, women's group leader, sister, marriage mentor, friend, speaker and lover of Jesus.

One thought on “I am his very first call…

  1. Thanks, Esther. I really needed to hear that and from a mother’s perspective.

    As I’ve been told so often since moving here to SC, “You don’t know what you DON’T KNOW.” Never understood what that meant exactly. With all that is coming at us these days, I am now understanding and I am learning.

    Your words have made that very clear to me.

    Peace & Gratitude, Ms. Florence.

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