Once upon a time, there was a mom who was a nervous wreck.
She didn’t quite know what to do.
She wanted to have “the talk.”
Not the one about the birds and the bees.
Not the one about just saying no.
Not the one about the future. It was a completely different, way more nuanced and complicated one. The kind that might make her big kid get defensive.
Or shut her out. The kind where she went through all the scenarios in her head.
Not the one about just saying no.
Not the one about the future. It was a completely different, way more nuanced and complicated one. The kind that might make her big kid get defensive.
Or shut her out. The kind where she went through all the scenarios in her head.
When should she do it?
How should approach the subject?
What should she say? This or that or the other thing? Her mind raced and looped and her stomach got all knotty inside. She loved this big kid so desperately.
She had worked so hard on keeping her mouth shut and her opinions to herself.
She did not want to do anything that would hurt this kid or their relationship. But this was one of those times when talking was really important. It couldn’t and shouldn’t be swept under that rug where the pile grows and then there is a huge bump that no one can get over or around. This was one of those times when talking was scary, but oh so necessary and really good. For her big kid.
And for her. She got up the gumption after a few nervous-nelly days to say, “Can we take a walk just by ourselves?” When the answer was “I’d love to Mom,” she said a little prayer for help, mustered up her brave mom heart, put on her cute white shoes and took the first step out the door and into what might end up horrible or wonderful. At first, she asked lots of questions that had nothing to do with anything about anything. She was hoping to make it feel like she didn’t have this weird mom agenda that was about to pounce. Next, she talked about all the beautiful sights on the walk, the tulip trees in bloom and how the neighbor had shaved her dog in the strangest of ways. She was avoiding. Finally, in the most normal, not awkward mom way she possibly could, she carefully tiptoed her way into “the talk.” She tried so hard not to “set her big kid straight.”
She tried so hard to listen and understand.
She tried so hard to share her thoughts and concerns from a place of love and not fear. And guess what? It went better than she could have imagined. What could have gone sideways, upside-down or completely backwards went mostly straight. What could have ended in tears, slammed doors and broken hearts ended in a hug. It wasn’t because this mom did it all perfectly. That is not true, not true at all. This mom actually does not really have any idea why it went so well. Maybe it was because the Tender Lover of both of their souls softened their hearts. Maybe it was because they had slept well and eaten a good breakfast. Maybe it was because they just loved each other and had worked really hard to do these kinds of talks better than they had done a million other times. Maybe it was none of those things. Who really knows? But this mom does know a few things right now. She can take a deep breath and her tummy can unknot. She will offer a huge prayer of thanks. She is not a nervous-wreck mom anymore. She is a glad one.
How should approach the subject?
What should she say? This or that or the other thing? Her mind raced and looped and her stomach got all knotty inside. She loved this big kid so desperately.
She had worked so hard on keeping her mouth shut and her opinions to herself.
She did not want to do anything that would hurt this kid or their relationship. But this was one of those times when talking was really important. It couldn’t and shouldn’t be swept under that rug where the pile grows and then there is a huge bump that no one can get over or around. This was one of those times when talking was scary, but oh so necessary and really good. For her big kid.
And for her. She got up the gumption after a few nervous-nelly days to say, “Can we take a walk just by ourselves?” When the answer was “I’d love to Mom,” she said a little prayer for help, mustered up her brave mom heart, put on her cute white shoes and took the first step out the door and into what might end up horrible or wonderful. At first, she asked lots of questions that had nothing to do with anything about anything. She was hoping to make it feel like she didn’t have this weird mom agenda that was about to pounce. Next, she talked about all the beautiful sights on the walk, the tulip trees in bloom and how the neighbor had shaved her dog in the strangest of ways. She was avoiding. Finally, in the most normal, not awkward mom way she possibly could, she carefully tiptoed her way into “the talk.” She tried so hard not to “set her big kid straight.”
She tried so hard to listen and understand.
She tried so hard to share her thoughts and concerns from a place of love and not fear. And guess what? It went better than she could have imagined. What could have gone sideways, upside-down or completely backwards went mostly straight. What could have ended in tears, slammed doors and broken hearts ended in a hug. It wasn’t because this mom did it all perfectly. That is not true, not true at all. This mom actually does not really have any idea why it went so well. Maybe it was because the Tender Lover of both of their souls softened their hearts. Maybe it was because they had slept well and eaten a good breakfast. Maybe it was because they just loved each other and had worked really hard to do these kinds of talks better than they had done a million other times. Maybe it was none of those things. Who really knows? But this mom does know a few things right now. She can take a deep breath and her tummy can unknot. She will offer a huge prayer of thanks. She is not a nervous-wreck mom anymore. She is a glad one.
The Dolly Mama 