Grandparenthood – Page 2

The EstherGizer Bunny

Posted on August 19, 2018January 27, 2022 by Esther Goetz

“What’s your reason for waking up every morning?” (Huffington Post)

I lay in the dark, my grandson’s eyelashes brushing against my neck as I held him close. Only moments before, I had been power-washing a fence and had heard his cries over the monitor. “Not yet, Broden,” I thought, “I have much to do.”

This has been my cry for as long as I can remember. “Not yet, ___________ (fill in the blank with any given human in my life). I have much to do.” I am a doer, a cross-it–off-my-list person, and proud of all that I accomplish in a day. My daughter, Sarah, calls me the “EstherGizer Bunny,” hence the blog post title. I can accomplish more in a day than most can in a week. It’s just true.

But today, that is not to be. I have about 10 things I could be doing, all big projects that will supposedly “save the world,” including writing a meaningful blog post, organizing Sarah and Cody’s garage, making nutritious meals for Sarah as she goes back to school this week in her new position as a second grade teacher, writing another chapter in the book I am writing (BIG REVEAL IN ABOUT A YEAR), yada yada yada.

Today, I choose what my heart truly cries for. I choose to stop saying “Not yet, _________.” I choose love. I choose holding Broden in the dark. I choose relationship over task. I choose dancing with Allen at the wedding of a friend tonight. I choose being present to people over checking boxes. I actually choose myself. Those to do items will get done or THEY DON’T HAVE TO (good news for my EstherGizer Bunny heart).

If you need more today, read my Go with the Slow (I Love Turtles) post. It was a great reminder for me once again as I was writing this. It puts the EstherGizer Bunny right back where she is supposed to be.

Family, Grandparenthood, motherhood

To Pick Up or Put Down (Every Parent’s Never-Ending Battle)

Posted on March 11, 2018January 27, 2022 by Esther Goetz

“Have a heart soft enough to give love and mercy, but wise enough to know boundaries.” (Kayil Crow)

It has started: Our daughter’s battle whether or not to put her four-month old down (cry it out) or pick him up when he is fussy. Believe me, both have been tried. (Don’t let the pics of the happy baby fool you.) The truth is holding him tends to calm him. He sleeps better. He stops crying. He is basically happier.

It continues: Our daily battle about how much to help our adult children (pick them up when they are “fussy”) or let them figure things out on their own (many times painful and uncomfortable). Believe me, both have been tried. For decades. The truth is helping them tends to calm them. They sleep better. They stop “fussing.” They are basically happier.

It never stops: My aging parent’s battle about how much to help their youngest son with the care of his children while my mom goes through radiation treatment during the next several weeks. This is a big one: he lost his wife about a year ago and the situation is complicated. They are 84. He is 56. It never ends. The truth is helping him calms the situation. Everyone sleeps better. The “fussing” is abated. He is basically happier.

If you are a parent, you can completely relate, no matter how old your child is. It can be teaching a baby to sleep by themselves, driving a forgotten homework assignment to school for your elementary daughter, purchasing a car for your new driver, allowing an adult child to live at home rent-free for a season, watching grandchildren for your middle-aged son, the list goes on and on. I’m sure you can add your own. The questions are basic: how much do I “pick up,” help, console, “save the day,” when my child has a need or even a want? How much do I let them “ride out the storm,” figure it out on their own, “put them down” so to speak? Where is that line drawn? When is that line drawn? How is that line drawn? What choice should we make so that we are promoting emotional health and good boundaries, yet making sure the other feels safe and completely loved?

I am becoming keenly aware of how daily of a battle this is, no matter how old the parent or child is. I am also highly in tune right now with how many opinions everyone has about this and how strong those opinions are. I also realize how often I go to others to ask this very basic question: what should I do in “X” situation with “such-and-such” child? Do I pick them up or put them down?

For many years, I went back and forth, always unsure if what I was doing in any given situation was right. I felt trapped. If I “picked them up,” I heard the voices that shouted, “You are doing too much. Your boundaries are too lax. They need to learn for themselves. This is unhealthy. This is bad.” If I didn’t help, I heard opposing voices, “You aren’t doing enough. Your boundaries are too rigid. They need to feel loved and not alone. This is unhealthy. This is bad.” Ugh. And if the truth is known, I still struggle with this and it is real and it is still almost every day.

Today, I share with you my “half-thoughts” on the subject. A “half-thought” is something I am still in process about and haven’t completely “landed” anywhere quite yet, but still want to share. I hope these bring you some freedom for the “back-and-forth,” trapped feeling you may find yourself in today:

Even though the questions are easy, the situations are complicated. No two are the same and rarely is there a quick answer or fix. Rest in that.
This dilemma is part of being a parent, period. There’s no getting out of it.
Other parents are in the same boat. We all need each other, not to judge and give solutions, but to listen and give grace.
Don’t ask yourself if the decision is right or wrong, black or white, good or bad. Rarely are decisions that we make all one way or the other. That’s an exhausting treadmill and only promotes fear, guilt and shame. Either decision will have both difficult and wonderful attached to it. Usually it’s some combination of beautiful and messy.
Ask yourself these questions instead: What do I really need? Why do I want to help? What do they really need? Take the long-view and dig a little deeper.
Change your mind if you need to. Take the time to re-evaluate and get counsel from others. There is great freedom here.
Show yourself boatloads of grace no matter what you decide. Remind yourself that God loves both of you and He can come in and provide all that’s lacking no matter what decision is made in the moment.
I leave you with my biggest one for this past six months because many days I just don’t know what to do. This verse comes up every single day on my reminders. I pray it every morning:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives GENEROUSLY and FREELY to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5)

I don’t think it ever ends. I am growing and being stretched and learning to love in a healthy, hope-filled, very complicated kind of way. I kind of like it.

Family, Grandparenthood

Letter to Baby Bear

Posted on November 26, 2017January 27, 2022 by Esther Goetz

As soon as I saw you, I knew a grand adventure was about to happen. (Winnie the Pooh)

Dearest Broden Andrew Meassick,

You are already one week old! Last Saturday, I was nervously sitting in the waiting room after a long night of helping your mommy get ready to bring you into the world. My cell phone buzzed. It was a picture of you from your daddy. There you were, all pink and healthy. Tears of relief, gratitude and joy sprang from my eyes. Your grand adventure was officially beginning. Born on 11/18/2017 at 7:03 am, you were 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. We had been waiting for you, the Baby Bear (as your mom and dad nicknamed you), to come and change our worlds forever!

After a short time, I was told I could meet you in person. My heart did a little (okay, a HUGE) leap for joy. I walked quickly to your room where your mommy was holding you against her skin, a sight I will never forget: my baby holding her baby. Feelings I hadn’t known before flooded my soul. After a few moments, I brought you into my own arms and as I gazed into your very alert and big eyes (thank God you got your daddy’s eyes…this was a specific prayer we all had based on the small-eyed relatives on your mommy’s side) for the first time, I thought to myself, “What will you be like? What adventures will life bring you and you bring it?”

Adventure awaits you, sweet Broden! Those words are written on the sheets in your crib. Great adventure. Hazardous adventure. Wonderful adventure. Terrible adventure. Quiet adventure. Exciting adventure. Sweet adventure. Sad adventure. Unique adventure. Hard adventure. Joyous adventure. Helen Keller writes, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” That’s one thing I can promise you, Broden: it will be an adventure and it will be all of those things at one time or another.

The very best and first thing about your adventure is that you are extremely loved. The God who formed you has absolute and unconditional love for you. Nothing you can ever do will make Him love you less or love you more. He loves you just because you are you. You will find rest for your soul in that place.

Your creative, smart, kind, hard-working, compassionate mommy and your free-spirited, adventurous, wise, level-headed, willing-to-grow daddy are absolutely head-over-heels in love with you. They will love you no matter what and nothing you can do will change that. You will find rest for your soul in that place.

You also have grandparents, aunts, uncles, first-cousins once-removed (or maybe they are second cousins…it’s been a debate since you were born and Google has not been a help at all) and friends who have loved you from the first moment of hearing about you. You will never find yourself in a place that you won’t be loved. You will find rest for your soul in that place.

Rest for your soul matters because the adventure that awaits you matters. It’s yours and yours alone. Your inner soul anchored in unconditional love will be of immense value for living your outer adventure to the fullest. All kinds of small and large experiences will come your way, some good and some hard, some easy and some terrifying, but never forget that you have a safe place deep down inside that no one can take from you. You have a God, parents, family and friends who love you. Nothing can touch that! No one can take that away! Live in and from that place!

You are nicknamed the Baby Bear. You even have a stuffed “bear head” hanging on your wall in your room (kind of like your dad’s “party buck” head hanging in your family room). Bears are incredible animals. They have four characteristics that I find intriguing. They are extremely intelligent, strong, protective and affectionate. I’m sure you will be all of these and much more. But there is a fifth that is most important: every bear is an individual with a completely unique personality. You, Broden, are an individual with a completely unique personality. I want you to know that I will do all that I can to foster and encourage your very unique self and what aspects of life you find interesting. I don’t care if you love sports or music, if you are an introvert or an extrovert, if you can count to ten by age two or it takes you until two to take your first step. I promise to love you and love what you love. I have shared this with your mommy many times and I’m sure you will hear it from me every year on your birthday when I read you “Happy Birthday” by Dr. Seuss: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you.” Be you, Broden. Be you.

For your mommy and your aunt and uncles, I asked God to give me one verse from the Bible (my mom had a verse for me and it has been a light for my heart and soul). I have been asking God for the same thing for you. And guess what, Broden. God didn’t just give me one verse. He gave me a whole bunch. You must be extra special. They actually came because your grandpa was reading through the book of Colossians and I was prompted to check it out. These verses right at the beginning of the book struck me as those God would have from my heart to yours.

From the day I heard about you, I have not stopped praying and making special requests for you.

I pray that…

you will be filled with a deep and clear understanding of His will for you, that you will have insight into the ways and purposes of God.

you would live how God designed you to live, from a fully-known and fully-loved place and that you would have complete trust in Him. This brings Him the most pleasure.

your life would bear much fruit from all your hard work.

you would have a full, deep and clear knowledge of God.

you will be invigorated and strengthened with all power from God so that you will have much patience and joy.

I thank God because He has made you fit to share in all that is His. He has brought you into His Kingdom, one that is filled with love.

(Colossians 1:9-14 – EJGV – “Esther Joy Goetz Version”)

Broden, how fun that you are here! I am absolutely thrilled! I can’t wait to get to know you and go on some of your adventures with you. I just bet I will love you even more than I do today! I can’t imagine how that is even possible. But it is!

From one very excited person in your life who loves you like crazy,

(Not sure what you will name me yet)…

(If you enjoyed this, please head back to your social media account and like it for me so we can spread the world of hope and healing.)

Family, Grandparenthood, motherhood

Letter to Mommy-to-Be (Are You Ready?)

Posted on October 29, 2017January 27, 2022 by Esther Goetz

“I didn’t give you the gift of life. Life gave me the gift of you.” (Anonymous)

Dearest Dolly (my beautiful, pregnant soon-to-be-mommy Sarah Elizabeth),

Last weekend, you called me very teary-eyed. “Mom, I’m just not ready for this baby. We don’t have anything set up in the room. I haven’t picked a pediatrician. We don’t have curtains. The house is not sterilized (and on and on the list went).” My first thought was that you are right. After many busy weeks working two jobs, being in two weddings, future maid-of-honor commitments and graduate school classes, you had not really done many of those things. The room was painted and the crib set up, but that was about it. And it could be any day now. You aren’t ready.

I tried to reassure you (and truth-be-told, myself) that it would all get done somehow and that your shower was tomorrow and people would give you fun things and hopefully that would all help with the preparation. My words fell short of the mark for your anxious heart (and my own). After a few moments of going around in circles and commitments beckoning once again, I thought to myself, “I am getting nowhere and you are just going to have to figure this out yourself (not my proudest hour).” We spoke a little longer and then we both had to go, you to wedding dress shopping with your best friend and me into the bank to get cash to pay for your shower.

Sarah, it’s a week later, a very different Saturday. A pediatrician has been picked, baby dressers, car seats and swings are set up, miniature clothes are hung in the closet or placed in giant drawers too big for them, and curtains are on their way (I don’t think the house has been sterilized but neither of us are germaphobes and don’t really care about that anyway – don’t judge us as you read this). All your “ducks are in a row,” as we like to say. Calmer hearts prevail. You are ready.

Or are you? The question looms in my mind. I swirl with thoughts about the coming weeks and your preparedness. Are you ready because his room is painted, child-care is figured out, onesies are neatly folded, infant Tylenol and baby wipes are purchased, and you’ve packed your bag for the hospital? My mind answers loudly. No, Sarah. No. Those things are good and necessary, but they are not what makes you ready. My dear sweet mommy-to-be, you are ready and this is why:

You have spent almost 26 years cultivating what matters, your inner self. Since you were just a little girl, you explored the broken parts of yourself and asked for help. You sought and still continue to seek wise counsel getting to know these areas, not shrinking back or avoiding them, but allowing God to come in and reveal and heal. What a gift you have given yourself and baby Broden. You are ready.

You have fed your soul with good things. You have sought a genuine relationship with your heavenly Father and in turn, compassion, integrity, kindness, grace, justice, truth, and love are what has come to matter the most in your life. You actively look to mete these out in the practical, everydayness on your journey. What a gift you have given yourself and baby Broden. You are ready.

You have chosen a really good partner to share your journey and parent with, someone who shares these same values of the inner life. Cody is authentic, adventurous (as we all know), discerning. fun-loving, sincere, hard-working, loving and willing to grow. We couldn’t have picked a better husband for you. What a gift you have given yourself and baby Broden. You are ready.

Over 26 years ago, I found out that there would be a surprise gift coming into my life in March of 1992. Little did I know then that the gift of Sarah Elizabeth would be one of the best of my life. Last February, you found out that there would be a surprise gift coming into your life in November of 2017. He, for sure, will be one of the best gifts you ever receive, as you were for me. But, remember sweet Sarah, you are giving him yourself, your broken, beautiful, in-process, creative, growing, loving, gracious, and kind self, and there is nothing that can even come close to that! This is why YOU ARE READY, precious daughter, friend and mommy-to-be!

I love you.

Mom (The Dolly Mama)

Family, Grandparenthood, motherhood

Ending Well (and a surprise beginning)

Posted on August 28, 2017January 27, 2022 by Esther Goetz

“I’m so tired, I’ve forgotten how to spell the word tried.” (Google search of “parenting” + “tired” + “quote”)

I am tired. I am counting down the hours to ending my active parenting. It’s been 25++ years. I am sitting on the floor, covered in empty boxes, and about to sleep on a futon that has been through three other college students.

When I think back to active parenting, I have:

used q-tips covered in alcohol carefully for 10 days on each of four babies’ umbilical cords until that gross thing turned black and fell off
grocery shopped with four children under seven (it was like taking four goats to the store…I “kid” you not…get it? get it? I “kid” you not)
sorted legos into bags by color, size and type at least 52 times (to be exact)
played Ms. PacMan on Nintendo 64 surrounded by eight excited eyes until I beat all the levels and killed the witch
kept Pokemon cards carefully in plastic sleeves inside of books and monitored whose cards were whose
filled out back-to-school forms until my eyes twitched and my hands curled up in agony (can’t this be computerized people?)
packed 180 (# of days in a school year) X 4 (# of kids in this house) X 13 (# of school years in the life of an average child) lunches (for you math heads, that’s 9,360)
created chore charts, memory verse charts, learn-to-pee-and-poop-on-the-potty charts, and behavior charts, all complete with stickers and prizes
watched (or at least heard from the kitchen) ad nauseum reruns from the Disney Channel, Nick Jr., PBS, Cartoon Network and now Netflix
coached and watched basketball, soccer, baseball, lacrosse, wrestling, field hockey, swimming, track, volleyball, and softball (I’m pretty sure our records for all of those sports combined was .500 exactly)
listened to piano, clarinet, bassoon, guitar, and recorders (some of it, shall I say, “more pleasing to the ear” than others)
gone to the doctor, dentist, oral surgeon, voice therapist, orthodontist, counselor, ENT, orthopedic surgeon and emergency room enough that I felt like I should have “frequent shopper cards” (buy 10 visits, get one free)
planned themed birthday parties each year complete with specialized decorations and games (Pin the Tail on Pikachu anyone?)
endured graduations from preschool to middle school to high school to college (best memory is Josh and I rolling our eyes across the gym at Rachel during her 8th grade graduation…don’t judge me)
driven at least 5 or 6 times the distance of the globe to practices, lessons, youth groups, parties, play dates, school, and girl/boyfriend’s houses (you parents out there feel my pain as you read this)
broken up 3,247 fights over paper-cup lids, halloween candy, bathroom etiquette (or lack thereof), and on and on and on
taught (or I should say freaked out in the passenger’s seat) four teens how to drive
moved four kids in and out of college dorms and college apartments (one night I actually slept on bath mats…it was the softest thing I could find in Jared’s apartment)

You can see why I’m tired. 25++ active years of this.

548173_3591035495891_1726726938_n — 2000

20729693_10213483768989973_8342980036031190375_n — 2017

About six months ago, I felt done. Yes. Done. After all, Rachel was independent, easy, and didn’t really need me anymore. Could I get out of this parenting thing early? Loved that thought for a moment. Relished it. And then some force within me rose up and put a stop to that thinking (it had to because it was running amok).

I made this promise to myself (and made the same one for Allen, whether he liked it or not): “I am going to end my parenting well. Rachel deserves the same parent the other kids got until the day they skipped out the door to their dorm rooms.” I can’t say that it was perfectly executed by any means after that or that I just had all the exact amount of love and energy I needed to do this every moment of every day. But you know what, I did do it. And it was good.

Good. That is all that was needed. Not perfect, but good. I have no idea and I am super grateful for whatever rose up inside of me to keep fighting the good fight until the very last picture was hung, Walmart kitchen table built (complete with chairs) and Bed Bath and Beyond order picked up. And I do have the proof: I am sitting on the floor, covered in boxes, about to sleep on a very well-worn futon. I have ended well.

But (SURPRISE!!! you thought this blog post was over) it does not really end. Love does not end. It changes, but does not end. My hands may be less busy (I am seriously praying this is true), but my heart will never be. My heart is bigger and wider and busier than ever before. Love does not end. It multiplies.

And guess what. Big news.

On or about the beginning of November, a new baby boy will be born to our Sarah and her husband Cody. And the cycle of love will begin again, and actually, it already has.

(an aside for those of you still in the thick of it: you are doing great! you will make it! it will be okay! and yes, it is very hard and very worth it! you are a super hero!)

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