Posted in Faith, Family, Health, Motherhood

3:39 pm

Nine years ago, I was a mom of a 19 year old, an 18 year old, a 15 year old and a 12 year old.

My husband commuted to a job 90 minutes away.

I was in the middle of some of the hardest and busiest times of my life.

Trapped in a mile-long to do list.

Trying to SEE God, but constantly pulled in a thousand directions, especially at 3:39 pm.

Sports.
Exhaustion.
Homework.
Mom Guilt.
Groceries.
Tuition Bills.
Church.

Anxiety.

I must have read this quote somewhere.

It struck me enough that I stopped and posted it on Facebook. At 3:39 pm.

It was probably exactly what I needed at that specific time and wanted the world (or my little Facebook Friends world) to hear it.

To soak it in.
To bask in its freeing and life-giving truth.

God SEES me.
God loves me.

Right in the middle of the mayhem.
Right where I am, not where I “should” be.
Right at 3:39 pm.

He SEES me.
He loves me.

Maybe that day, I got a little glimpse that held me up when I needed it the most.

Maybe I blasted some music on my iPod, headphones tangled around my neck.
Maybe I stopped and danced around the kitchen with dirty dishes piled high in the sink.

And maybe today at 3:39 pm, I’ll need another peek at the never-ending love of God.

Maybe I will throw on some worship music.
Maybe I will dance freely around my office.

And maybe nine years from now, this will all happen again.
At 3:39 pm.

I hope it does. I sure hope it does.

Posted in Faith, Health, Sabbath

Tired.

This “Esthergizer Bunny” is just a wee bit tired.

Mentally.  Emotionally.  Physically.  Spiritually.

TIRED.

Keeping my anxiety in check with all the counseling tools I’ve been given.

Making sure a germ doesn’t get into this house.

Using every ounce of self-control I have not to just be downright cranky (note:  sometimes, it’s not working…ask anyone who lives with me).

Fighting the weeds in our gardens.

Playing “frogger” with poison ivy on our latest hike, dog in tow (note:  I am always at war with poison ivy).

Pleading for wisdom for all the decisions I need to make in this new normal.

Organizing every inch of our new home.

Questioning God on all the fronts.

Zooming until my eyes and head hurt.

Preparing our rental property for the summer season with every new precaution under the sun.

Watching the fights play out on social media.  Open.  Close.  Mask.  No mask.  Freedom.  Safety.

Listening to the fights go on in my own head.  Open.  Close.  Mask.  No mask.  Freedom.  Safety.

Battling the grief process out with God:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression (note:  acceptance is socially distancing right now and she’s got a mask on, maybe even two or three).

SOOOO…. what’s a TIRED girl to do?

I’ve come up with a little plan for the weekend.

It’s called jumping into a pile of GRACE and REST.

It’s going to be a…

SLEEP-IN

DO A CROSSWORD PUZZLE

HAVE A LONG, SLOW CUP OF TEA

GET TAKEOUT

GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO NOT CROSS ANYTHING OFF MY TO-DO LIST

NO NEWS

MAYBE MAKE BANANA BREAD (or not)

TAKE A NAP

PLAY GAMES WITH MY KIDS

DO NOT PULL A WEED

WATCH HULU CUDDLING WITH MY HUBBY

KICK THE SHOULD-MONSTER OUT OF MY HEAD

HAVE A KLONDIKE BAR

…kind of a weekend.

The “Esthergizer Bunny” will be back soon enough.

She’s getting some much-needed SHABBAT SHALOM! 

A peaceful rest.