It’s 1 am.
My five-month old cries out from her crib.
Not another night of this!
It’s been three weeks since I’ve had more than 3 hours of sleep in a row. God, HELP me! HELP them!
I am barely functioning anymore, bags under my eyes the size of grapes!
I don’t think I can take it anymore! I am SO done!
It’s 1 am.
My kindergartener screams from his room.
Why does this keep happening?
The nightmares are getting worse! God, HELP me! HELP them!
Am I doing something wrong?
I don’t have any idea what to do! I am SO done!
It’s 1 am.
My 10-year old shouts “MOMMY!” at the top of his lungs.
His jammy bottoms are soaked.
He’s wet the bed again. God, HELP me! HELP them!
I’ve already called the doctor five times.
Nothing is working! I am SO done!
It’s 1 am.
I haven’t heard from my new driver’s license holder since 7 pm.
Her curfew is 11 pm. She knows better than this!
Is she hurt? Is she drunk? Is she alive? God, HELP me! HELP them!
I never knew this mom gig would be SO hard!
Will I ever get sleep? Will I ever stop worrying? I am SO done!
It’s 1 am.
My cell phone vibrates on the nightstand. I ignore it.
It’s vibrates again and again. I finally pick it up. Hello?
The campus security guard is on the other end. My daughter was found passed out on the sidewalk, having had WAY too much to drink. God, HELP me! HELP them!
This is un(freaking)believable! She will be the death of me!
What in the world am I supposed to do now? I am SO done!
It’s 1 am.
My eyes refuse to close in sleep.
My son has been furloughed from his job.
This pandemic is wrecking everything. He was doing so well and now this!!! God, HELP me! HELP them!
What is going to happen?
Even if he gets his sales back, will any business have the money to buy advertising? UGH! I am SO done!
It’s 1 am. I lay awake on my bed.
I can’t believe the text I got from my son this afternoon.
I burst into tears as I read it, gratitude bubbling up and leaking out! GOD, you’ve HELPED me! You’ve HELPED them! It keeps happening! Every single time!
You love him even more than I do! You are our great and only HOPE! I am SO UNDONE!
Your toddler just threw a temper tantrum and bit you.
Your seven-year-old yelled at dinner last night that he wishes he lived at Jimmy’s house.
Your middle-schooler, in no uncertain terms, rolled her eyes at you with disgust.
Your teen slammed his bedroom door and you could hear the angry muffled words, “I hate you!”
Moms, in the middle of the quagmire, I feel you. I hear you. It takes everything in you not to bite back, wish for a different life yourself, roll your own eyes and scream, “I hate you too!”
You wonder why you ever did this mom gig. It’s gut-wrenching as your own heart is torn in shreds when most of what you’ve done is LOVE this child with every fiber of your being.
Older moms told me over and over and over again a million times that one day, these children of mine would actually realize what I’d done for them. One day, all those times of seeming distaste for me would be swallowed up in gratitude.
It was hard for me to even fathom such a thing. No one could have convinced me that it would ever be true. But it gave me just a flicker of HOPE when I needed it most.
HOPE to not bite back.
HOPE to not give up.
HOPE to pray for help.
HOPE to say “I love you.”
Today, I extend that same HOPE to you. One day, you will get a message like this and your heart will leap right out of your chest and it will settle back down with deep satisfaction and joy!
You’ve got this, Sweet Mama!
***Feel free to share with any mama out there that needs some hope herself today***
Licked a dark smear off my finger and then thought, “Phew. It’s chocolate.” (Moms Everywhere)
You’re up in the middle of the night for the second or third time rocking your colicky newborn to sleep (and this is the 28th night in a row). You are walking zombie during the day at this point and can’t remember how to tie your shoes or even where your shoes are.
You’re carrying out a screaming preschooler from the grocery store because you won’t let them have a second lollipop. They are a sticky mess from the first and now they are hitting you and pulling your hair. You are beyond embarrassed as you feel the burning eyes of others on your frame.
You’re breaking up the 27th fight today between your two youngest children (and they only got home from school two hours ago). You lose it and yell at them, angry with yourself for not having enough patience. Your brain runs to that verse in Isaiah and you plead with God: “WOE IS ME! I AM RUINED. I AM A (WO)MAN OF UNCLEAN LIPS AND LIVE AMONG A PEOPLE OF UNCLEAN LIPS.”
You’re watching your daughter roll her eyes at you and go “huffing and puffing” out of the room all because you said no to that middle school sleepover. It doesn’t seem to matter to her that tomorrow is your mom’s birthday and the whole family is coming over and she told you she would help you get ready.
You’re waiting for sound of the garage door opening for the 10th Saturday in a row. It’s now 11:30 pm and your new driver’s curfew is later than you’ve been awake in 20 years. Your mind races ahead to worst-case scenarios as to why they are not answering your texts. Sleep is futile.
You’re waiting for your child to bounce in the door for spring break, picturing puzzle-making and long talks about her future, only to be met with a quick hug and “Can I have the car keys? I’m headed out with my friends.” Your heart takes a dive as you realize it’s never going to be the same.
You’re talking on the phone with your daughter, a new mother. She informs you that they are NOT coming home for Mother’s Day this year. Images of years gone by and the tradition of the “whole family” being together are wiped out in a moment. You choke out the words as best you can, “It’s okay. I understand.” Tears flow uncontrollably as soon as you hang up the phone.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT? The question circles around in your head, haunting you as you wonder if taking the giant leap into parenting was the worst choice you ever made. What were you thinking?
You’re gathering your baby from the church nursery and the moment they notice you, their eyes light up, their two-toothed smile fills the room, and their little arms reach for you as if to shout, “You are mine! I am yours! All is right again!”
You’re coming back from being at the grocery store, having only been gone for 30 minutes while your spouse watches your preschooler. You are met with “look what I made for you” and handed a Froot Loop necklace that you proudly display for the next week or two around your neck.
You’re at back-to-school night, sitting at your fourth grader’s desk, listening to the teacher drone on and on about the expectations of the classroom and what is hoped to be learned. You peak inside your child’s folder and they’ve scrawled a note to you, “Surprise ahead. Check under the chair.” You reach down and pull out a green paper heart (at least that’s what you think it is)! A smile creeps to your lips.
You’re sleeping and it’s Christmas morning! Your 13 year-old (who has to be bribed out of bed every morning for school with promises of her favorite bagel) comes bounding into the room at 6:00 am, leaping on you and wrapping her arms around your neck, squeezing tightly. “Can we get our stockings and come onto your bed like we always do? Can I wake everyone else up?” Her child-like, unfiltered excitement tugs your heart strings and you feel full inside.
You’re making dinner and you have forgotten to buy one of the most important ingredients. Your teenager plays video games in the family room. Without realizing it, you berate yourself aloud, “How could you not remember to get this?” A voice shouts from the other room, “I can go get whatever you need from the store. I can drive now.” You send your budding adult on his way, money in hand. You beam inside, thankfulness rising.
You’re reading the book for your woman’s group. Your college daughter left two days ago. You open to the page where you left off and there is a note doodled at the top. “I love you mom.” Happy tears spring to your eyes and you send a text to your two daughters, asking which one of them wrote it (which makes it even happier).
You’re texting your 25 year old what they want for their birthday. They say all they want is a puppy. You work your butt off the next couple of months and find just the right one. You arrive with her and your man-child greets you with hugs and laughter and a stream of “thank yous.” You watch as this giant, tough, bearded landscaper cuddles in the grass with his new baby, letting her crawl all over him, giving gentle words of kindness and love. Your heart swells with pride and joy!
IS IT ALL WORTH IT? The question again circles around in your head, this time sparking renewed hope that taking the giant leap into parenting was the ABSOLUTE BEST choice you ever made. What were you thinking is right!
(PS: ALL OF THESE ARE TRUE STORIES FROM YOURS TRULY. YOU HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF YOUR OWN! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR JUST ONE!)
ALSO CAN I SHAMELESSLY ASK YOU TO LIKE THIS POST OUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA IF YOU READ IT AND LIKED IT! IT HELPS IT TO MOVE UP IN THE RANKS INSTEAD OF GET LOST IN THE GIANT SOCIAL MEDIA POT. MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!