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My “Top 10” Epic Mom Fails (With Help from My Kids)

“Some days I amaze myself.  Other days, I put laundry in the oven.”  (Moms Everywhere)

I am not sure if you will be horrified or happy when you read these.  I mostly hope you feel like you aren’t the only one.  HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!  Here goes nothing (make sure you read with snarky voice in your head):

  1. Letting nine-month-old “cry it out” during nap for 45 minutes only to find both legs stuck between crib rails after “giving in” and checking on baby (this was the olden days when this could actually happen).
  2. Allowing (almost encouraging) 21-month-old to give “propped up” three-month-old sibling a ride in walker, smashing infant into kitchen cabinets, laughing hysterically and doing it again and again.  (I hope I am remembering this wrong, but I doubt it.)
  3. Forgetting about “RED DAY” in child’s kindergarten class.  Only kid not wearing any red (except for a tiny spot on sneaker that child very sadly pointed to in desperation when the teacher asked what red they were wearing).
  4. Leaving eight-year-old eating chips and watching movie in van with engine running, while watching freshman field hockey (van was kind of visible from side-line locationChecked on child at half-time).
  5. Finding that our fourth child made own “memory verse chart” complete with stickers.  (Believe this:  there were numerous charts for the older three.  One of the “OhMyGoodnessThisIsCrazy” moments of parenting!)
  6. Forgetting to inform “pet sitter” about two tree frogs for week-long, very hot, summer vacation.  End result:  crispy critters.
  7. Making 12-year-old babysit for 14 (yes, you heard that right) younger kids in basement while five couples have “Bible Study” upstairs for 2 hours every other week.   (Reminded this week that 10- and 11-year-olds were hot-gluing sequins to their heads in said basement and forcing the 4- and 5-year-olds to be their servants.)
  8. Leaving two middle school boys home alone with all the necessary equipment to make a blow torch in garage (think water gun, gasoline, and a BIC multi-purpose lighter).
  9. Picking up tipsy teenager from a party and driving at midnight to Walmart to get a breathalyzer to no avail.  Driving around until 1 am searching and finding a police officer, asking him to give test (NOTE:  police officer did not comply).  Driving home making threats of grounding for life.
  10. Standing in driveway holding on to the hood of college student’s car, supposedly preventing college student (in mild – okay not so mild – argument with) from leaving.  Doesn’t work (shocker).  College student gets out and leisurely walks down street to awaiting friend’s car, while yours truly is screaming “don’t come back.”  Topping it off, our neighbor most likely sees the insanity unfold in all its glory.

I hope this has brought you much laughter and grace for yourself and all the other moms you know (especially me).  I need grace and kindness and love and to be told it will all be okay and we are all just a little desperate and nuts sometimes!  Happy Mother’s Day to those of you who love your little, or not-so-little-anymore, kids and grownups.  You are doing a great job (and if you aren’t today or weren’t yesterday or might not tomorrow, take a moment to laugh at yourself just a little).  

(SINCE I’VE PUT MYSELF OUT THERE AND FEEL BASICALLY LIKE I SHED SOME OF MY CLOTHES IN PUBLIC, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ONE OF FUNNY EPIC FAILS!  PLEASE COMMENT HERE OR GO BACK OUT TO SOCIAL MEDIA AND COMMENT THERE.  I NEED SOME GOOD LAUGHS TODAY!)

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Author:

I am a wife, mom, daughter, women's group leader, sister, marriage mentor, friend, speaker and lover of Jesus.

10 thoughts on “My “Top 10” Epic Mom Fails (With Help from My Kids)

  1. You are amazing and your fails are felt by us all. Thank you for sharing and shedding your skin! Happy mother’s day mama warrior!

  2. One I can remember: I m Somalia, we hardly ever had fruit. So when we got a watermellon somewhere, we all ate it eagerly except for 16 month old David (who usually loved fruit and vegetables). I made him eat some for his own good. Surprise.. It was heaved all over the living room a half hour later. He was sick. … 😕

  3. just read this – it’s so great, I loved it!!! can’t decide which one I like the best – they were all epic and made me laugh out loud! too late write down epic fails tonight, will do it tomorrow, so glad it all seems funny now 😆

      1. oh my, I can hardly imagine the high jinx we would have been up to together – our Mom’s lists would have unrivaled !!! 😆

  4. Esther, I just finally read this!! So refreshing that we acknowledge our “fails” as moms–I often am encouraged by that verse in Joel that says the LORD will redeem the years the locusts have eaten…something like that! One (of many ) stories has to do with one of my children asking for help with an article of clothing. I had been washing dishes so wiped my hands quickly then helped my child who then proceeded to complain that I had gotten him/her wet. I apologized and then my child accused me of doing it on purpose!! Needless to say, I was annoyed and spying a partially full glass of water I proceeded to inform my child that I had NOT gotten him/her wet on purpose (in fact, had taken time from my chore to help). I then splashed the water from the glass onto my child and then announced: “Now THAT was on purpose!” Child then told on me to my husband! Lol

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