I can’t stop staring at my tree.
For the first time ever in the history of my “very-organized-and-get-it-all-put-away” self, I decided NOT to take our tree down just yet.
Yes, the ornaments are all put away, labeled in their correct boxes. But the lights are still shimmering quietly.
I wonder if it’s because it’s the last thing left from 2020, the year of all years.
That feels strange, but it’s mostly likely true.
Part of me doesn’t want to “let go” quite yet and plunge into the “back-to-normal” (if there even is such a thing) 2021 to come.
I’ve loved and hated 2020 just like the rest of you.
Hated all the division, sickness, suffering, anxiety, loss, isolation, yada yada yada.
But I’ve come to LOVE some things that I don’t want to let go of.
Like less expectations and shoulds.
More enjoying what’s right in front of me.
Less running around like a nutcase.
Embracing the simplicity and monotony of each day.
Figuring out who my people are…my real people who have stuck with me and by me through it all.
Clinging to the Source of Hope like never before.
It’s probably why I’ve kept my tree up with it’s sparkly lights.
Why I can’t stop staring at it.
It’s giving me permission to go slowly again into this year.
Not follow my usual rules.
Allow it to be different (because, let’s face it, it is different).
Let go of all that never really served me in the “before times.”
Grieve all the loss and hang on to all that I’ve found.
Continue to feed the hope that burns in my soul.
The light that cannot be snuffed out.
I can’t stop staring at my tree.
The Dolly Mama 
Esther, such a good commentary on a tough year for all. I’m w you, more simplicity in life. The last few days have even found me lightening up on my “stuff” – giving or donating dishes and clothes and many things that were important to me. I’m letting go of my stuff.
My view of God and my Saviour Jesus and the coming new life – now that IS important. My family is important. My friends are important. The rest is just stuff. All kinds of other junk happens too – things that we cannot believe and that catch us off guard. Lord, help me to know the things that are important and give me Hope.
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