Posted in Childhood, Faith, Third Culture Kid

Ethiopia Tikdem!

“Narnia taught me we must all grow up and leave our childhood behind, but must never forget it.”  (Some place on Pinterest)

In my young years, I heard this shouted and chanted: “Ethiopia Tikdem!  Ethiopia Tikdem!  “Ethiopia First!  Ethiopia First!”  Sitting at one of my favorite Ethiopian restaurants not too long ago, it came to mind as I ate injera ba wat and savored every bite.

The year is 1966, the month is February and a little girl is born. Not in a hospital, but in a back-woods clinic in a tiny town called Deder, Ethiopia. I, Esther Joy Maret, was born the fourth child of missionary parents who wanted to serve God.  Having three older brothers, I was the answer to my mother’s prayer for a girl.  Much to say, I did not have your typical American childhood (I guess that has to be left to author Annie Dillard and many of you to describe).  Here is a peak at my Ethiopian childhood…

  • I had a Somali nanny who didn’t speak much English during my preschool years (see picture above).
  • I went to a local French kindergarten because I was wide-eyed, early reader at four years old.
  • I was in boarding school at just five.
  • We memorized Bible verses each morning at 6:45 am. Our end-of-the-year prize was going to the airport for a luncheon if we memorized all of the verses.
  • I knew “O Canada,” “God Save the Queen” and the “Pledge of Allegiance” because our school was filled with people from all different countries.
  • We learned the local language of Amharic.
  • I saw my brothers in passing as they were much older.  I never saw my oldest brother because he was away in Kenya for his boarding school.  We spent vacations and holidays together.
  • I played outside unsupervised after school with my dorm mates (it was like being a college student when you were seven).
  • We had field day, sporting events, Halloween parades, chapel, piano lessons, school plays and homework. Sometimes, parents showed up to these.
  • I stood in endless lines waiting for vaccinations. Gamma Globulin was the worst. It was hard to sit for a week.
  • We listened to the Chronicles of Narnia being read by our dorm mother each night after we were fed and washed up.  (And here’s a little secret: I loved Aslan, the kind, loving and gracious lion in the stories more than I loved Jesus. He seemed like the kind of Savior and friend that I wanted and so desperately needed, very different from the one I had learned about or conjured up in my head, the angry one who might just send me to hell if I didn’t behave or believe the right thing.  I still love Aslan.)
  • I saw my parents on random weekends and vacations or if I was sick (which was super fun because I got to listen to The Wizard of Oz on reel-to-reel and drink tea).
  • I lived in guarded and walled compounds when with my parents, being frequently robbed for our clothes and plastic, even our Kerplunk game.  (We got a kick out of that because when the thief got home, he or she would find that the plastic was filled with holes and useless for whatever his purposes were.)  So much for the guard and the wall.

A communist coup came in 1974 that brought the death of King Haile Selassie, many of his children and grandchildren.  War ensued.  There were communist marches and guns fired in the streets.  Famine came.  After two long years of brewing hatred for foreigners, my parents decided that they would leave all their belongings behind and take their four children back to the United States.  Not your typical childhood.

But like each and every one of our childhoods, even though mine was a little “out-of-the-box,”  it was filled with good and bad, scary and peaceful, happy and sad, ups and downs, boring and interesting.  These are the things that make our childhoods sacred and unique and help to form us into who we are today, the beautiful and broken and complicated and messy and wonderful us.  And probably like many of you, I wouldn’t trade mine for the world.

Would love to hear what things made your childhood typical or completely unique?  Is any childhood typical?  Who are you because of yours?

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Posted in Family

Why Should You Read This?

“You don’t choose your family.  They are God’s gift to you as you are to them.”  (Desmond Tutu)

Who are you getting to know through this blog?  Why should you keep reading?  Each of our stories is precious and sacred and one that unfolds before the world.  I guess I believe that about my own.  That’s one of the reasons I decided to write a blog.  Our stories are the ways we share our hopes and dreams, heartaches and successes, joys and sorrows, all that makes us these wonderfully complex and beautiful humans.  Stories connect our hearts in ways that are spoken and truly more than spoken.

Here is a small glimpse of the current story-line of our little family…

I am a wife to Allen Goetz and we have been married for over 26 years and we currently live in a sleepy little town in the middle of New Jersey.   Trust me.  You’ve never heard of it.  We have two famous things in our town:  the Stirling Hotel (#1 voted bar/restaurant by the readers of the Star Ledger, our newspaper, and where my daughter is a hostess…shameless plug) and Leo the MGM lion’s burial site, although no one is quite sure exactly where the body is laid to rest.  We also have three not-so-famous things here as well:  St. Joseph’s Shrine (“a sacred place for all”), the Great Swamp (“the middle of nowhere in the middle of New Jersey”), and the Raptor Trust (“how one man’s passionate concern for raptors grew into a nationally recognized rehabilitation center”).  Makes you want to vacation here, don’t you think?

Back to family… Allen is kind and gracious. I am sarcastic and I like to say, discerning (but others may call me a bit judgmental). Allen is a hard-worker, quiet and reserved. I am quick-witted and loud. He is methodical and analytical. I am passionate and decisive. Allen is a supporter and a peacemaker. I am a leader and aggressive. As you can see, we are a match made in heaven.

I am a mom to four very unique kids and one new son-in-law.

Sarah is 25 and a second-grade teacher to inner-city, poverty-line children. She is married to Cody and lives in Pennsylvania. Sarah is a hard-working rule-follower, and if we were Catholic, she might have become a nun.  She is highly creative and has had a teacher’s heart since she was little. She is deeply caring and a great writer. She is my editor when it comes to these posts.  You can read her blog at sarah-plain-and-tall.blogspot.com.  She is one of my very best friends.

Cody, her husband, is a crazy outdoorsman and an Adventure Education teacher in an alternative high school for kids who have been dismissed from public school. He is super-handy and knows what he wants. He is a man who is willing to grow and learn. We love him. They were married last July and are experiencing all the lovely things that go along with that first year of wedded bliss: yeast and urinary tract infections, birth control side effects, arguments about chores, cooking meals that the other one doesn’t like, and oh, learning to live with and still love this other human being.

Our son Jared just graduated college and is 23. We call him the “edge kid.” He is the center of attention when he walks into a room. He “lights it up” as they say.  He is always coming up with big business ideas and is an entrepreneur at heart. He was that wiggly, ADHD kid who loved to push the envelope. When our rule was “no eating in the family room,” he would stand with one foot in the kitchen and one foot in the family room munching away so the crumbs would technically fall into the kitchen. We are not sure if he will be president or in prison one day. Or both. I don’t think one disqualifies the other these days.  And my personal vote would be for president! #POTUS2032

Josh, our 21 year old, is a basically a nerd.  He wants to be a college professor because his brain goes faster and holds more information than anyone I know. He watches Ted Talks and looks stuff up on the internet and figures out how to do some of the most complicated things (like basically build his own computer).   He’s an introvert, but somehow ended up as a psychology major. I think he just wants to figure out the ultimate in a complicated thing…the human being. He is also kind and sensitive. He is smart, but he is also the wisest person I know. He might be a good match for Solomon in heaven, but hopefully won’t ever suggest cutting babies in half (see Bible for that story if you are concerned about where this blog is heading).

Our youngest, Rachel, is a musician. She is very smily and has had a sparkle since she was born. She is a true friend, fiercely independent and loves unconditionally.   Her middle name is JOY and it’s a true picture of who she is. She is a senior, headed to college to pursue a career in music technology and wants to open her own studio one day. She plays the guitar, the piano, the ukulele and can be found sitting making a puzzle most afternoons in our family room.  She says that her heart is filled with five things:  God, love of family and friends, music, the beach, and puzzles.  I can see her getting a tattoo representing each of these one day.

I couldn’t have asked for better people to share my house with. I am truly grateful.  I love the quote by Desmond Tutu, but I will tell you that if I got to choose, I wouldn’t choose anyone different.

I would love to hear a glimpse of your story.  Who would you choose?  Who was chosen for you?

 

Posted in Faith, Family

Why the “Dolly Mama”?

“There are two days in a year where nothing can be done.  One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow.  Today is the right day to love, do, believe and live.”  (The Dalai Lama)

It’s 1:51 am and I am awake. Thinking about starting this blog.  Laying in bed, saying to myself, “Just get up and make one post.”  What to write? Where to start?  I need to start now.  Live and do today.

Why the blog name, “The Dolly Mama”?  A few days ago, I was on the phone with my adult married daughter and teacher, Sarah.  I said to her, as I usually do, when we are getting off the phone, “Love you, Dolly.”  She quickly asked, “Do you call us all ‘Dolly,'” referring to her other siblings – two younger brothers and a younger sister.  “Yes.  Yes, I do.”  “Then your new nickname will be the “Dolly Mama.”  We both pretty much belly-laughed, Sarah being so proud of her humor, and within about a minute and a half, I was sharing this joke and this new nickname with anyone that would listen.

I do have individual nicknames for my husband (“Bunny,” “Sweetheart”) and my kids (“Peanut” and “Sarah Doodle” for Sarah, “the J-Man” for Jared, “Bean” for Josh and “Rachie Bug,” “Squachel” and “the Scratcher” for Rachel).  These nicknames came about for so many reasons.  They morphed from one thing into another over time, so that sometimes I don’t even remember how I got to this final destination and name.

A name is what we use to identify ourselves and others.  A nickname brings us to a whole different level, one more familiar and personal, expressing love and relationship with another.  As I think about each one of these nicknames I have for my kids and even the nicknames they have been given by others, memories flood my mind, recalling when and why each one was given.

My favorite nickname is the one Sarah has for Jared.  When he was born, she was only 18 months old, and she combined the words, “brother” and “Jared” and tried to call him “Bread.”  But she wasn’t quite good at it yet, so she ended up, in her cute voice, morphing the word and calling him “Riddid.”  It’s 23 years later, and many times, she still calls him that.  And my heart smiles as I recall the love they share and that special memory that only a few of us understand and know.

So, here I am, “The Dolly Mama,” something given to me in Spring of 2017, and which I hope lasts a life time.

I would love you to comment and tell me your nicknames, ones you are called and ones you are given and the memories that go along with them.   And to my precious subscribers, thank you…we can encourage each other to live in the daily…