Posted in Celebration, Faith, Family, Mental Health, Thanks

Ordinary Couch

There once was a woman who DID NOT like ordinary days.

She wanted hoopla and fanfare.
Bluster and rah-rah.

Ordinary meant colorless and ho-hum.
Stodgy and flat.

Who would ever ever want that?

But along came some very un-ordinary days.

She found herself smack dab in the middle of them.

For a very very long time.
Like more than 350 of these un-ordinary ones in a whole, long, very confusing row.

But there was no hoopla or fanfare.
Bluster or rah-rah.

There was strangeness and head-scratching.
Veiled faces and pandemonium.

She sat down one day on her ordinary couch
in her ordinary house
after a very ordinary breakfast and thought for just a minute and a half or so.

About all those ordinary days she had not liked.

The ones with laughter.
Friendship.
Lunch hours.
Stadium seats.
Picnics.
Hugs.
Lemonade stands.
Conference rooms.
Smiles.
Carpools.
Sunday school.

How silly of her? Not to like them.

She found that she could not wait until she could have just one of them again.

Just one. Count them. ONE. Ordinary day.

A regular sun-up to sun-down.

But on her ordinary couch
in her ordinary house
she thought for another minute and a half or so.

About all these un-ordinary days in a row.

Would she want them back?
Would she say “good riddance?”
Would she find that some of them were just ordinary after all?

The ones with family dinners.
Gardening.
Board games.
Pillow fights.
Cuddles.
Long walks.
Bike rides.
Prayers.
Puzzles.
Firepits.
Books.
 
So on her ordinary couch
in her ordinary house
she thought and she thought and she thought some more.
Maybe three minutes this time.
 
She did NOT NOT like ordinary days anymore.
 
In fact, she liked them a lot.
 
She didn’t need hoopla and fanfare.
Bluster and rah-rah.
 
Because ordinary doesn’t always mean
colorless or ho-hum.
Stodgy or flat.
 
More often, ordinary means
 
family.
kindness.
neighbors.
joy.
friends.
faith.
hard work.
memories.
rest.
contentment.
 
AND
 
love.
 
What she needs the most.
 
And guess what she finally thought about?
 
On her ordinary couch
in her ordinary house
this time gazing at her ordinary dog?
 
There are many many more beautiful un-ordinary ordinary days to come.
 
She can’t wait.
Posted in Friendship

Picking a Human

Today IS A BIG DAY. It marks the Dolly Mama “tell your friends how great they are” post. I can’t believe I haven’t done it sooner. I am a little embarrassed (and if you know me, that’s a load of hooey…I wouldn’t know embarrassment if it smacked me right in the behind).

I’m feeling a little snarky right now. Bear with me. I’m planning to be serious and sappy and smooshy and sentimental. I promise.

It is true. You really are GREAT! Like wearing a superhero cape GREAT! Like standing behind a mic and getting an award GREAT!

Some of you are GREAT because you don’t let me stay my “less than the true Esther Goetz” self. You believe in me. You encourage me. You kick me in that not-embarrassed behind when I need it. You believe in the best version of me and you build me up one brick at a time. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you are my cheerleader. You sing your praises to my words-of-affirmation-is-my-happy-place heart. You root for me and would have poms poms shouting “Esther Goetz is ‘da bomb'” if I would let you (and I might). You make me feel like a champion. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you love what I love. We can talk heady stuff like Christian doctrine or watch the NFL on a Sunday afternoon. We can eat ice cream or watch the Bachelor together (no judgment please) and laugh at the screen and ourselves (“Do we seriously watch this show?”). I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you are just “WITH ME.” You sit with me in the dark times. You laugh with me in the comedy that is my life. You stick with me when I’m screwing up. You talk me down off the ledge when I want to jump. You have no judgment for me (take note, you who judged my Bachelor watching). I tell you all my secrets. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you make me feel connected to you in every way. You wave at me across a crowded room, save a seat for me, send me a birthday card, grab my hand when we are together, and remind me that we are “two peas in a pod.” I belong to you and you belong to me. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are great because you are FUN. You make me belly laugh. You always have an adventure for us to go on! You are super okay with my snarky nature and “give it back” to me when I’m dishing it out! You’re not afraid to remind me about all that’s good! You give energy when this “Esthergizer Bunny” is about done. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you open my mind and heart to new things. You don’t let me get stuck. You ask me great questions, challenging me to rethink the way I always have and help me to change “just a little bit” at a time (even though I might fight you in the moment). You make my view of life (and many times GOD HIMSELF) bigger! I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

Some of you are GREAT because you are wise. You’re like the GPS of my life. You help me navigate all. the. things. with understanding, grace and kindness. You straight-up give me advice (even when I’m being stubborn and a know-it-all). My dreams matter to you and you help me to keeping working toward them. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU.

ALL OF YOU ARE GREAT because you love me. For who I am. Plain and simple. What more could I ever ask for or want from a friend? Nothing! Whether we text each other every day, talk to each other once every six months on the phone, are only able to connect on social media (like right here in this little corner of the internet), I count you forever as my GREAT friend, one that I will treasure in my heart until I take my last breath.

Okay people, my snarky voice has quieted and all is right in my very sappy world as I think of you and all that you mean to me! I love you, my GREAT friends!

From my heart to yours.

Friendship is so Weird*source for quote unknown*

Posted in Faith, Friendship, Mental Health, Thanks

If You Only Knew…

If you only knew what I really believe about faith…

Would you still worship with me?

If you only knew how I voted in the last election…

Would you still respect me?

If you only knew what’s happening in my home right now…

Would you still confide in me?

If you only knew what’s happened in my past…

Would you still value me?

If you only knew the number on my scale…

Would you still have grace for me?

If you only knew my opinions about the issues facing our world…

Would you still like me?

If you only knew how I spent my money…

Would you still be my friend?

If you only knew what goes on in my mind…

Would you still trust me?


I hide.
I keep secrets.
I stay in my cage.
I show you a false version of me.
I protect my self at all costs.

ALL BECAUSE I WANT TO

belong to you.
be accepted by you.
be LOVED by you.

Jesus tenderly brings me out of hiding.
I have no secrets with Him.
He sets me free.
He allows the truest version of me.
He protects my REAL self at all costs.

I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I

belong to Him
am accepted by Him
am LOVED by Him


I want to be Jesus with skin on FOR you.
I want the same FROM you.

Together, maybe we can show this Jesus to everyone else.

Oh may it be so.

 

 

Posted in Faith

Hope Came

I needed some HOPE this morning. It came in the form of a friend willing to drop off something I really needed in my mailbox.

It came in the form of a text from another friend reminding me of God’s tender care over me.

It came in the from of a Pastor who spoke words of gentleness on my TV screen.

You know what? That one act of kindness brought a small flicker of HOPE that opened up the discouraged place in my heart and fanned it into a little brighter flame.

Sometimes, we are the givers of HOPE.
Other times, we are the receivers of HOPE.

We have permission to be both. It might change from day-to-day, even moment-to-moment.

I love being the bringer. In fact, I pride myself on it.

Today, I will be the receiver.

Tomorrow, I may be back to being the bringer.

It’s really okay. Really okay to be either.

What matters is that HOPE is stirred and gifted and received, multiplying over and over and sent out into the world one flicker at a time.

HOPE does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  (St. Paul)

 

 

Posted in Celebration, Faith, Friendship, Thanks

A Beautiful Mess

I’m headed to a place this morning where pain is shared, joy is celebrated, grace is abundant, hope is plentiful and love looms large.

This is a place I can’t live without.  Everyone should have one of these.

It’s my refuge, my anchor, my lifeline.

You see, where I’m going, there’s…

…one who is wisdom that makes my “self” smart.

…one who is joy that brings a laugh to my heart.

…one who is gentleness that reaches deep in my soul.

…one who is peace that guides me to be whole.

…one who is light that counsels my spirit to shine.

…one who is faithfulness that connects me to the “Vine.”

…one who is grace that keeps me looking “Up.”

…one who is generosity that fills up my cup.

…one who is goodness to help me feel truly blessed.

…one who is kindness that allows my spirit to rest.

This place is going to look a little different this morning, but it’s going to feel exactly the same.  Warm.  Safe.  Love.  A Beautiful Mess (#ourfancygroupname).

This morning, we will share our pain, celebrate our joy, grant grace in abundance, muster our hope, and lavish our love.

I can’t wait.


P.S.  There are some who have scattered and I miss you terribly.  You will always belong to us.   Never forget that.  You are light and love and hope and joy and peace right where you are today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Charity, Faith, Family, Friendship, Thanks

LOVE is Still Winning

It can feel like HATE is winning.  Fear creeps into our skin and buries deep within us, tearing our souls in shreds.  Despair tangles her knots around our spirits, attempting to blow out the tiny flickers of hope we carry inside.

Hate is NOT winning.  It will never win.

LOVE is winning.  LOVE will always win.

LOVE WINS WHEN A…

…mommy and daddy hold their newborn and shout, “We are so in love!” on social media and then take 1,345,428 pictures for the next year.

…married couple look deep into each other’s hurting eyes and say, “We will fight for each other.  Let’s go to a counselor.”

…toddler giggles at the sight of their aunt coming in the door, arms filled with gifts that only she can get away with giving.

…friend texts in the middle of the day and says, “I’m here.  Call me day or night.”

…teacher pulls her “spicy” student aside, and says, “I believe in you.”

…top executive makes his way to an inner city soup kitchen on a Friday night in the pouring rain.

…garbage collector rings your doorbell to remind you it’s Tuesday because your trash cans are still in your garage and then waits until you go running downing the driveway in your jammies with said cans flailing behind (#personalstory)

…gangly middle-schooler takes a risk to befriend the new kid who moved into the neighborhood.

…hospice worker cares tirelessly, going many extra miles, for the victim of a dreaded disease.

…person on the “other side” shares these words, “I hear you.  I see your point of view.”

…boss reminds a new and confused worker that failure is part of eventual success.

…grandpa plays “peek-a-boo” for the 48th time in the last 10 minutes.

…customer in the grocery store line steps aside and says, “Go ahead of me.”

…Savior sends a gorgeous rainbow to remind us of his promise never to leave us or forsake us.

…mechanic takes the time to help a stranger in need in the middle of Kansas on a cross-country trek (#anotherpersonalstory CLICK HERE)

…victim chooses forgiveness over revenge

…knowing smile that says, “me too,” sneaks to the lips of a stranger across the room.

…doctor takes the extra minute in the room and says, “I’m here to help.  You will not fight this alone.”

…roommate utters the precious words, “I’ll do the dishes tonight.”

Overwhelming peace quiets our desperate souls.  Hope is lit brightly again far down in our fledgling spirits.

It’s everywhere.  It’s all the time.

LOVE is winning.  LOVE will always win.

 

Posted in Childhood, Faith, Family, Friendship, Marriage, motherhood, Thanks

Did you Know (it wasn’t just a house)?

“She was an adventurer at heart.  But oh how she loved drinking this tea in this mug in this chair.  Oh how she loved to be home.”  (Google Images)

When you hurriedly trekked up the sidewalk with your then 10-year-old in a whirlwind house-hunting trip in August of 2002 and opened the door at 23 Cedar Hollow Drive, DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know…

the neighbor boy that walked through the door the day you moved in would become one of your son’s life-long friends and your son would share the weight of pall-bearer at his dad’s funeral eight years later?

music would fill the living room and your baby would fall in love with the guitar and piano and her playing and singing would be a gift to your soul and you miss these moments terribly?

IMG_2207

23 Cedar Hollow Drive would be brimming with boatloads of love for and from almost every species of animal, from snakes, to dogs, to cats, to hamsters, to fish (that wouldn’t die), to every assortment of lizard and now there is only one left?

your marriage, faltering at best, would become a place of hope and healing for dozens and dozens of young couples on the verge of their own life-long journey of marriage?  (in fact, you are spending time with one of them again this morning)

your nervous decision to construct a pool granted a space for family, friends, teammates, youth groups, classmates, neighbors and even strangers to rejuvenate and be refreshed?  (water gun fights and subsequent peals of laughter did just the trick)

 first days of school and dance pictures and phone conversations filled with both laughter and tears would mark your front stoop (and who knows, maybe some goodnight kisses by young lovers)?

extended family would gather for holidays and normal days, where sports teams would be cheered for, good food would be eaten, games (and some arguments over those games) would be played, and most significantly, unbreakable bonds would be formed?

your young daughter, struggling with severe OCD and the inability to go away even for a week would receive help through counselors and would now be a flourishing wife, teacher and mom?

an actual wedding ceremony would be performed in your living room because the bride and groom thought the church was located in your town and got their marriage license in the wrong place?

annual Easter Egg hunts (or should I say money hunts) created a place for teens and budding adults to still be kids in all the best ways?

endless art supplies and crafts from your artist would be haphazardly strewn over all available surfaces and one of those works would be still hanging proudly in your family room for your prospective buyers to see and admire?

birthdays would be celebrated in all their simplicity and sometimes complexity, giving room for sharing reasons why the one whose day it was to be honored was loved (and even liked)?

every kind of sport uniform would be thrown in heaps on your kitchen floor and not-so-carefully cleaned in your laundry room, providing a place of community and friendship for your kids?  (even as you write this, two of your son’s high school teammates are asleep with your 23-year-old in the basement)

your finished basement would be filled with sleep-overs and left-overs and hang-overs and do-overs and make-overs and probably thousands of humans entered those doors?

your outdoorsy son, content to spread mulch, carefully prune bushes and chop wood with his dad, would be happiest at his job doing the same?  (and he would embrace your sports teams to the full)

Dcp_1465

your family room couch would become the healing place for illnesses too numerous to count, unforeseen and planned surgeries, along with the comforting spot to take a mental health recovery day and that you let your kids skip school for only this reason (oh how far you’ve come)?

small groups filled with lasting and abiding friendships would meet, pouring over books and videos, praying through heartache, celebrating joys, living the ups and downs of life and kids and marriage and…and…and.. (one of them still met last night right in your family room)? 

the pony-tailed 10-year-old around the corner and school-bus seat mate would become one of your firstborn’s closest friends, bridesmaid fourteen years later and Auntie Taylor to your grandson?

a baby in your womb would be lost yet your heart would be born anew?

your game-boy playing first-grader would help you to create your new podcast and be a regular and wise guest?

Dcp_1678

early Christmas mornings would be filled with children (and even now adults) sitting on your bed opening surprises (and not-surprises) through sleepy, yet curious and excited eyes?

a nervous breakdown would seek to destroy you but a life-long journey toward healing and wholeness would begin and continue today and that a writer’s quest would result?

homework would be finished (or not-so-much), college applications would be filled out, but most important, hearts would be taught to love and hope and apologize and respect and give and continue to learn?

your basement would be the place for a barely sprouting church youth group of eight teens and three leaders that is now hundreds strong?

warm fires would be built inside and out, where stories were shared, sleep was encouraged, s’mores were eaten, and life-giving memories were created?

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fights would break out, doors would be slammed, harsh words would be spoken, yet subsequent apologies would be made and forgiveness would be granted?  Love and trust would be painstakingly built brick by brick?

your two-year old would happen upon a friend in first grade and after endless sleepovers, birthday parties and bring-a-friend vacations, their college hearts would be knit together even though hundreds of miles separate them?

your glass kitchen door would be filled with chore charts and yearly memorabilia, bird-feeder and deck-flower views, and sun-soaked floors for pets to relax and sleep blissfully?

seventeen New Year’s Eves would be celebrated, some quiet with tired bodies barely making it until midnight and others loud with friends singing God Bless America on the stoop after a long-night of Bunco?

a new love would come bearing another new love?

religion would be shed over and over and Jesus would rise in its place to become the healer of your heart and the lover of your soul?

you and Allen would be more in love than you thought was even possible?

Did you know…

Thankful tears would flow because this house is a true haven of healing and that as you leave it, your prayer is the same for the next set of feet that trek up the sidewalk and open your front door and make this their home?

Yes.  This you now know.  You know ALL of it.

 

If you’ve made it this far and you like this, I am asking if you could go back out on social media where you came from and “Like” it!  Makes a huge difference in how much it gets read and/or shared.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Faith, Friendship, Thanks

A Letter to My Friends #youhavenoidea

“Friendship is so weird.  You just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, ‘Yup.  I like this one’ and you just do stuff with them.” (Google Search On Funny Friends Quote)

Dear Friends of Little Old Me,

Today marks the Dolly Mama “tell your friends how great they are” blog post.   I can’t believe I haven’t done it sooner.  I am a little embarrassed (and if you know me at all, that’s a load of hooey…I wouldn’t know embarrassment if it smacked me right in the behind).  Sorry.  Back to the letter.

Right off the bat, I have to just be super honest and tell you I am feeling a little snarky right now and you might just sense it when you read this.  Bear with me.  I’m planning to be serious and sappy and smooshy and sentimental as well by the time this letter is over.  Sorry.  Back to the letter.

It’s true.  You really are great!  Like wearing a superhero cape great!  Like standing behind a mic and getting an award great!  You get the point!  I think you are great!

Some of you are great because you don’t let me stay my “less than the true Esther Goetz” self.  You believe in me.  You motivate me.  You encourage me.  You kick me in that not-embarrassed behind when I need it.  You believe in the best version of me and you build me up one brick at a time.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

Some of you are great because you are my cheerleader.  You sing your praises to my words-of-affirmation-is-my-happy-place heart.  You root for me and would have poms poms shouting “Esther Goetz is ‘da bomb'” if I would let you (don’t tempt me…I might have to make that happen in real life).  You make me feel like a champion even when I’m just an average New Jersey housewife.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

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Some of you are great because you love what I love.  We can take a walk or a hike and talk heady stuff like Christian doctrine.  We can take a bike ride on LBI and get our favorite kind of ice cream.  We can meet for lunch (on time may I add) and share silly stories of our week and our latest caper.  We can watch the Bachelor together (no judgment please) and laugh at the screen and ourselves in the process (“Do we seriously watch this show?”).  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

Some of you are great because you are just “WITH ME.”  You sit with me in the dark times.  You laugh with me in the hilarious comedy that is my life.  You stick with me when I’m screwing up.  You talk me down off the ledge when I want to jump.  You calm my heart when the monster of anxiety rears her ugly head.  You have no judgment for me (take note, you who judged my Bachelor watching).  I tell you all my secrets.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

Some of you are great because you make me feel connected to you in all the best ways…emotional, spiritual, mental and even physical.  You wave at me across a crowded room, save a seat for me at an event, send me a card on my birthday, grab my hand when we are together, and remind me that we are “two peas in a pod.”   I belong to you and you belong to me.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

Some of you are great because you are just fun!  You make me belly laugh.  You always have an adventure for us to go on!  You are super okay with my snarky nature and “give it back” to me when I’m dishing it out to you!  You light up when you see me!  You’re not afraid to say all that’s good about our lives and our days!  You give energy when this “Esthergizer Bunny” is about done.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

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Some of you are great because you open my mind and heart to new things.  You don’t let me get stuck.  You ask me great questions, challenging me to rethink the way I always have and help me to change “just a little bit” at a time (even though I might fight you in the moment).  You make my view of life (and many times GOD HIMSELF) bigger and enlarge my whole heart at the same time!  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

Some of you are great because you are wise.  You keep me headed in the right direction.  You’re like the GPS of my life.  You help me navigate all the beautiful and messy parts of my journey with understanding, grace and kindness.  You straight-up give me advice (even when I’m being stubborn and a know-it-all).  My goals and dreams matter to you and you help me to keeping working toward them.  I love you and need you.  #youhavenoidea

ALL OF YOU ARE GREAT because you love me.  You really love me.  For who I am.  Plain and simple.  What more could I ever ask for or want from a friend?  Nothing!  Whether we text each other every day, talk to each other once every six months on the phone, are only able to connect on social media platforms, or see each other once in a blue moon at reunions, I count you forever as my friend, one that I will treasure in my heart until I take my last breath.

Somehow, my snarky voice has quieted and all is right in my very sappy world as I think of you and all that you mean to me!  I love you, my GREAT friend!

From my heart to yours,

Esther

P.S.  Please let me know three things – that you received this and maybe even read it (since I wrote it just for you), which kind of great friend you think you are and also what kind of friend you believe I’ve been for you (why I’m great…sorry, back to the snarky).  You can text me, call me, email me, snail mail me, comment on this blog or my current favorite, post it on social media.

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TODAY, I challenge you to maybe write a text or a letter or pick up the phone and tell one friend you love them and why they are great.  And then share this with them.  How amazing would it be if each one of us spoke our love with just one and then encouraged them to tell one.  The ripple effect would be wonderful!  January 20th, 2019, would be just a little more hopeful and beautiful!  TELL JUST ONE!

ALSO PLEASE FOLLOW ME VIA EMAIL!  JUST A QUICK CLICK AWAY!